By Raza Hasnain Naqvi
Today on 31st December, 2014 I find myself at the golden crossroad. Why I find myself here? Maybe, because events brought me to this place or I forced the events to happen by my imagination. Whatever the reason, I am here now.
The first day of the New Year will dawn within 24 hours tomorrow. And here I am with you thinking about the year gone by. The past 365 days have been filled with the normal ups and downs of my life. Come to think of it, I seem to remember the downs more than my ups. Probably because my brain has been conditioned all these years in such a manner that it seems to think that I place a lot of importance on the downs, so they have to be imprinted on my mind, so that I don’t lose sight of them. As a result, today I keep dwelling back on all that disappointed me, angered me, irritated me, made me feel helpless in the year 2014.
Try as I might, the same thoughts, the same dialogue keeps on repeating itself in my mind in a never-ending loop. This has been happening for the past three days now. I find that if I don’t force myself to actively think about something else, the negative waves keep coming and hitting the shores of my brain with their mighty force.
Now, why am I calling it my golden crossroad? Because, it is here I need to recalibrate where I am headed from this point on. The roads are there around me. The straight road ahead, the road that turns right and the road that turns left. Obviously, the option of going back on the road I stand on today or staying unmoved on this road — both options are not open. I can’t go back on the road because I can’t go live my life of 2014 again and all the moments and events in it. I can’t stay still here at this point because new moments and events will push me ahead either on the straight road, or push me towards the right turning road or the left one.
So, at this golden crossroad, shouldn’t it be better that I consciously make the decision to go where I feel the inner pull is there, instead of life pushing me somewhere?
You ask why do I call this crossroad golden? I like to think that all things good and bright are golden in colour. I like to feel that from this point on whatever direction I decide to step forward, will be the direction that has all things good and bright.
I can’t see the road ahead much. I only know that it would be nice if I could reach a place after a bit of journey, where I can smile and think that all the steps I took after reaching the golden crossroad were purposeful.
You and I may be similar in some ways. We thought about an outcome or many outcomes that we wanted in 2014 and we worked in some manner to ensure that we got what we wanted. Some we got, some we didn’t. I was happy with some moments that happened in 2014. And at the same time, I was resentful of other moments that happened in my life. I guess this is how a normal human life plays out every year.
The 365 days are filled with moments that fill our heart with warmth, joy, happiness and a feeling of good cheer all around. But at the same time, there are many moments that hurt our heart, create a hole in the heart and even tear up our heart in a manner that it becomes even difficult to breathe. But we breathe on. Which is why most of us find ourself still breathing and living at our respective golden crossroad every year on the 365th day of the year – the 31st of December.
At this point you and I are looking at that sign hanging up there at the golden crossroad, saying: GO STRAIGHT, TURN RIGHT, TURN LEFT.
I think I’ll go straight for now. You may take your own respective direction. Right now my visibility is 25 metres ahead only as I stand looking straight ahead. Can’t see beyond that as there seems to be that impregnable barrier of winter fog of not knowing what lies ahead. But I think I see some kind of dim light ahead and I get this feeling inside me that I need to reach that light and touch that pole. After all I know this much about the fog, that once I step into it, it does envelop me rapidly with its uncertainty, but if I keep walking on, then other physical things on my path become clearer in shape. This much confidence I have for now.
And this much confidence I have on you too. I am sure that like me, you too will step into the uncertain fog of 2015 with hope of seeing the things you want gradually materialise and take shape in your life.
Best wishes to each of you. May you have the strength to carry on walking purposefully in 2015 from this point of the golden crossroad of your life too.