I am about to meet him after five years. Perhaps it is destiny that we should have stayed apart for so long and never met. He is going to see me in person for the first time. I hope I am looking my best.
I think my heart is beating faster than it should be. I can also feel some kind of sinking feeling in my stomach that stays for two seconds and vanishes. What is happening to me?
Is meeting him so important that I have suddenly started thinking so much about my appearance? I have never been like this. Clothes, appearances, make-up, perfect hair are things that have often been ignored by me in favour of tackling more immediate priorities.
As I walk on, I can feel a lightness in my steps as if the invisible chains that bind me to gravity have been broken. My heels do make the sound on the pavement, but my feet and head appear so light as if I could sprout wings anytime and just glide away up in the air.
After a long time, I wore this ‘Flaming Peach’ lipstick. I was hesitant at first, wondering whether it would be too much. I even closed the drawer, after holding the lipstick in my hand and then putting it back in the drawer. But then, he had called. I remembered from our conversations that he had said that my eyes and lips were the first that had caught his attention. I had laughed so hard. He had never seen me and yet he had said it.
I couldn’t sleep much last night in anticipation. My eyes bear testimony to the fitful sleep I had. His hazy face had kept swimming in and out of my dream.
Today I will meet him and welcome him into my life with a full gaze. The thirst in my parched eyes will finally be quenched when he looks at me with a smile. That’s all I want. Nothing more, nothing less. I doubt if his first words can match the intensity of my first look at him.
I combed my hair gently a number of times while sitting in front of the mirror in the morning. Now that I think about it, it sounds so big. For someone who just brushes her hair with quick strokes, spending so much time on her hair is a sweet mystery. I think I am embarrassed.
But I can feel the soft sun turning my hair golden. Have I turned into a princess today? I have turned him into a prince who will sweep me off my feet. I think I am Cinderella going to the grand ball, looking the best that I can. He will come to me, dance with me and never leave me alone. Just thinking like this makes me break into a smile.
What thoughts I have as I come closer to the park and the bench where he said he will be waiting for me. He will be wearing a hat so I will recognise him all right. He will be the only one with a hat on in the park. Nobody wears a hat anymore.
He will be stared at while sitting on the bench. But he had said it was fine and he could handle that kind of attention. I had laughed.
Am I looking good enough? Will I be good for him? Will he be good for me?
I am now at the gate of the park. My eyes are looking eagerly for the man with the hat. I move forward and step inside the park. A ball comes rolling to me, but I ignore it. My mind is too busy searching for him.
Is he there on that bench near the bush? But it doesn’t look like a hat that the man has on his head. No, definitely not him. My heart begins to beat faster now. I look around me as my eyes dart from one person to the next. Sharp thoughts begin to leave their ink on my mind.
Where is he? Will today be the day when I had smiled for the last time? I had smiled a lot for the past few days. Will this morning end it all?
I sat on the bench. Little tears began forming in my eyes. I tried to blink them away. I looked down at my fingers inter-twined among themselves. There was a bit of shiver in them.
As my eyes kept looking down, a ball came rolling again towards me, stopping at the touch of my feet.
I looked up and there he was smiling widely with a beautiful cap on his head.